I’m in Branson Missouri as I write. Tim and I will be heading home today after celebrating the twenty-ninth anniversary of making our marriage covenant. No, I didn’t say wedding anniversary because the wedding was the least important part of what we actually did on that cold winter day in March of 1980. The most meaningful part of that day was the fact that we made a covenant with one another that has kept us together through many difficult seasons. I really don’t think either of us knew what we were getting into when we made that covenant but the making of it was something that we were both committed to. Tim and I spent our anniversary weekend speaking at a marriage seminar in Lamar, MO. and I can honestly say it was a very meaningful way to spend our time together. We so enjoyed the group we were with. They were like sponges soaking up truth. It was refreshing to be around so many couples who desire to honor God through their marriages. At the close of the seminar Tim sang a song to me, as he typically does, that he wrote for me on our twenty-fifth anniversary. I share the words with you partly because it’s so special to me but also to make a point.
My Promise
It’s been a long time now
We’ve been together girl
I’ve come to know that you love me
in ways I have never known
We’ve shared good times and bad together
And our love keeps growing strong
I’m with you no matter the weather I’m here to stay
I’ll be here through the rain and the sunshine it works that way
We’re a match that was made in heaven
But the flame is kept here on earth
To love and cherish, this is my promise to you
This is my promise
I will warm you in the winter when it’s cold outside
I’ll be your friend and will listen, even if it takes all night
We’ve shared good times and bad together
And our love keeps growing strong
It’s been twenty-five years since I said “I Do”
I’m not gonna lose you now
One day at a time, for better or worse
I’ll be here in the morning
I’m with you no matter the weather I’m here to stay
I’ll be here through the rain and the sunshine it works that way
I’m with you no matter the weather I’m here to stay
I’ll be here through the rain and the sunshine it works that way
We’re a match that was made in heaven
But the flame is kept here on earth
To love and cherish, this is my promise to you
This is my promise – This is my promise
Through our years of ministering to couples, we have heard this phrase over and over,“You’re a match that was made in heaven.” I will admit to you that though some may have said this to us as a compliment, it was usually followed up with “our relationship wasn’t made in heaven and that’s why we struggle so much” which, in that case, would make me a bit annoyed. Many think that couples who live joyful harmonious lives together have some sort of magical or supernatural gifting that is only available to some. But I believe the truth of the matter is that those whose marriage relationship is honoring to God are those who have chosen to do “The Hard Work” as I like to call it. “The Hard Work” refers to the surrendering of your will to God’s will. This includes:
• Choosing to love unconditionally even when it is undeserved
• Making the decision to serve your spouse when you are tired and have nothing else to give in your own strength
• Choosing to see your spouse through God’s eyes and not your own
• Freely giving the gift of forgiveness that you have freely been given
• Choosing maturity when it would be so much easier at that time to take offense
• Allowing the Lord to work in your own life so that you will be better suited for the relationship
• Accepting differences without being angry about them
• Deciding to be a godly influence rather than trying to change your spouse
• Being quiet when you really want to speak and speaking when you would rather be quiet
• Choosing to trust the Lord when it comes to “The Hard Work” in your spouse’s life as to whether he/she is doing it or not
• Respecting yourself and your mate by having healthy boundaries
• Not allowing your spouse to become an idol in your life by choosing their acceptance above God’s acceptance of you.
This list could go on, as you well know. The interesting thing about “The Hard Work” is that once you have made the decision to do it and step in that direction, something supernatural does happen and the Lord empowers you with the strength to do what you never thought possible. This doesn’t negate the fact that you have to take the first “Hard” step and continue to make “Hard” choices. It’s never easy for anyone! Whether you and your spouse are a match made in heaven or not, the flame is kept here on earth by continuing to stoke it and give it the oxygen it needs to burn. I want to stress the point that the oxygen our marriages need is called surrender. Where surrender begins, the struggle ends. I don’t mean to simplify the difficulty that some of you face, but I do hope that you would consider the truth in God’s Word as you face those difficulties. My marriage relationship would not and could not have survived this long had it not been for surrender on both Tim’s and my part. In the many years we have been encouraging couples, we have never seen marriages survive or restored apart from surrender. I encourage you today, whatever issue you are facing, choose to do “The Hard Work” and surrender to the Lord. I must add that your surrender alone may not bring about a solution but a solution will not come about without your surrender. Grace-Works.
